31-03-2010` Driving; Changi Prision

J has returned to States. Have been meeting him up and gorging myself with supper these 2 nights before his departure.

We talked about relations; an ever so sensitive portion, I believed both of us do not wish to pry into. We managed to get ourselves both a pair of listening ears. I cried and I know he was fighting back his tears. The similar plight of our romance, a mess. He deserves better, I hope Nature will bestow kindness to him. Please.

*
Drove the L plate license Nissan Sunny around Pasir Ris. My instructor was a little off himself, obviously his mind was at the other end, circling when his 'friend' (a young, sweet lady, the voice that came from the receiver end) will board her plane to Vietnam.

He dozed off for a few minutes while I was at Pasir Ris. Thats when I missed a crucial left turn and headed straight, to a route he wasn't familiar and he literally freaked out. We passed by Changi Prision, and with the path ahead shows no signs of exit to main road, he panicked if we were to face a dead end or ended up at the entrance of military police, army bases, where our presence needs to be accountable for. Luckily the road leads to the main traffic. Phew!

It was a good drive though an adventurous one. But it gears me up to reality check.

30-03-2010` Fred Perry DHL!

:)

Fred Perry DHL! First direct shipping from boutique in UK. It took less than a week. Totally enticed!

*
Trip to US aborted, or rather on hold. I hope all well ends well for him. Blessings.

28-03-2010'Safari; iPhone

I was trying to post using the phone while the Safari browser went dead on me. It hanged for 2 days and got me worried. Because I would be denied to go Internet though I have the data bundle pack. Had mentally prepared to make a trip down M1 service centre. But it came alive after I restarted my phone. Major phew!

*
I've wasted a beautiful Sunday.

Someone reminded me that coming Friday is Good Friday! It lifted me up from the slumps. Yay! And this Good Friday falls on a day after Aprils' Fool, ha. :)

27-03-2010` Calling out

:(

Bored in the clinic. I tried calling out to friends for a chat. Its makes a good judging scale to see who will respond to your last call, if the day ever comes.

Sad to say, my friends are busy people. Dialled 4 sets of numbers, 3 answered. The toll conversation time clock less than 30 minutes. Well, look on the bright side, at least I can spread my last words across to 3 people.

26-03-2010` MAZDA RX 8

I can only hoax myself that it would be a better day when I pry my eyelids in the next morning. To keep me alive.

The pressure is on. There are times I wished, I can vanish from the surface of the earth.

*
Visited PQ in her M|)C and had scaling done! The last cleaning was done over 2 years and wayyy overdue. She's really gentle!

**
Driven in MAZDA RX 8! Awww, one of my favorites! The adrenaline rush which came from the raming of the car, shiok! But again, I would be in jitters if its an everyday thing.

Appreciate his efforts behind the scenes. Any women would have her heart melted. But I will have to abide by what's ethically right and wrong. I'll take it as an affection by my part and it'll stop there, subsided in few days time.

And how do you want me to react to 'Aiyah, why do I have a girlfriend?', DUHZ?!

24-03-2010` Left hand drive

I dreamt of Jing driving me in a left-hand drive Toyota VIOS. Its not permitted in Singapore because all the structures are built in accordance for convenience of right-hand drivers.

Nevertheless, its a funny dream.

*
I have typed a continual post but a short-circuit trip makes everything POOOOF, disappear.

I have only practised parking without poles once. Its illegal to practise parking in public parking lots especially in the day, when summon aunties are more active in raiding. My nights are mostly blocked out because of my night shifts at work. The sole rightful way is to practise in the circuit. As my instructor exclaimed, 'Its so expensive to go into circuit in the day! Even me also paiseh to ask you go in the day!'. If you were to do the maths, circuit for an hour $30, plus instructor fees for 1.5 hours $36, thats an astounding $66!

**
Guilty as charged, I'm murdering my wallet and bleeding my bank account dry. I need to be involved with activities that doesn't cost a penny, any suggestions? Even staying at home means straying into websites and tempted buying things online. Maybe I will get a thick thick book and read, to brush up my english too. I realised I can't speak proper english nor mandarin, the tendency to mix the 2 languages is prudent. I'm becoming so Singaporean now!

***
Was inspired by Joe to further my studies in Dental Hygiene. Did a brief check online regarding the expenses. Dental Hygiene in Maryland, US, Educational expenses for a year $16,400; Living expenses 20,000.

This is a big dream.

23-03-2010'

Submitted my income tax today. A load off my mind, finally.

*
The thought to postpone my driving test is lingering in my head.

I feel so unprepared and tight in my budget.

'Only $20 to change the test date', I thought to myself. Then I have to worry about my advance theory validity till July; if ever there is the slightest chance that I will have to retake.

I'm so in deep shit.

22-03-2010' Stoned

:/

People said I look stoned today.

*
奇怪，看见你online我的嘴角往上扬，呵呵！

**
An air ticket to Las Vegas cost $2200. 20-22 hours flight.

21-03-2010` Fragrances; DKNY

Outrageously bored! :/

*
Past 2 years seems vague to me now. As if I had an accident and suffered from amnesia, couldn't recollect much of what happened. The partial memory suppression works I guess. The only bits of memories left are major events and how we ended up split.

If you can't find the tracks that you've once lived, its equviliant to living in vain; life is lived when you have history. I'm sadden by that thought, but on the hindsight, it lifted me up from burrowing into sorrows.

**
Scent can relate you to a person, object, place or incident.

Emporio Armani DIAMONDS Intense reminds me of Wil, and his van. I'm kinda addicted to the fragrance for now. The attraction probably will cease off cos its a little too sweet for my liking.

Polo Ralph Lauren Romance still wins an edge over. I have to exhaust the current Gucci Envy Me (my all time favorite!), Harajuku Lovers, DKNY Apple, Marc Jacobs Daisy. The latter 2 I have discontinued using.

Fragrances have a power to decide your mood. :)

20-03-2010` Tan Weiwei's 23rd!

:)

Celebrated Tan's 23rd birthday at Old Airport Road Market.

Shared Laksa, fried kuey teow, bbq chicken wings, stingray, carbonara, otah, pork porridge, satay.

The table looked like it had been hit by hurricane when we finished. We were gathering stares from others.

*
I realised how others have moved on and planned for the future. Like planning to move out of house, the type of accommodation, location; type of car.

I feel shameful. These are the vital life committments and directions I have yet to ponder upon.

I have only planned, where I want to go for holidays end of the year; whitening after braces in June; to keep my hair long enough for big curls because for years I've bide under the preferrence of having long straight hair.

*
I went jogging again, because of the heavy dinner calories load. It was 11pm when I returned from the run. My running shoes went crocodile again, for the third time. It have suffered much ill fate. If it were to go crocodile while I was running, I will chuck it in the trash and walk home in my socks.

A sudden thought jolted me while I was jogging- I am willing to discard the Tiffany & co Heart Locket pendant.

19-03-2010`

:)

Working with kids these days have given me satisfaction. School holidays are ending, there goes the good days.

*
Celebrating Tan's birthday on Saturday. Happy Birthday in advance!

**
Please give me the list of items if you'd like me to lug back from TW. By far I only have pudding request from Wil. Let me know ;)

18-03-2010` Wil

Met up with W for supper!

Was anticipating the reunion because he is afterall, the boy I was mesmerised with when I joined NTUsee. He was driving a van and this reminds me of the old good days to be driven by van, kemm kemm! I requested to go Fengshan 85 Market for Chaichee pork porridge, again, reminds me of the good old days, kemmm! Haha, but guess time has healed the wounds greatly and I wasn't feeling so bitter now.

He's wearing braces! I can't believed I was actually talking to a good old friend, a guy, wearing braces, sitting just opposite me!

W has a striking resemblance to LW, seriously. In terms of facial features and physique. He finished his IPPT before meeting up and aced in a couple of items, a step away from walking away with $100, but screw that standing board jump!

He's still into contact with Jason. So I might complete the reunion with the NTUC boys!

He said I am too thin and need to fatten up a little. Alright, same as J.

In case you're reading too much into any chance of us as an item, no, because he has a girlfriend. I'd say he's too nice to any girl-friends and girls will be swept off their feets with his friendly gestures. His beloved half will got to have a gracious heart to bottle the jealousy. A player, hurhur.

YZ, a younger brother
W, a good friend
J, friend, complicated

17-03-2010` 3 months to debond

Seen my orthodontist today. He said, 'Very fast can take out already! Another 3 more months then can take out already!' He sounds really excited. But 3 months is a looong time. I have to go Taiwan, Hong Kong in my braces. BOO!

If I were to run a finger on the lingual surfaces of the anterior, I'd feel 42 malaligned. On the whole, it looks alright and probably so he didn't change out the wires. I'd ask him in the next visit. It seems like I'm being placed on a 6 weeks review rather than 4 weeks because the appointment dates given were not on the dot of 4 weeks.

*
Meeting Jay up in April. Ocassionally if we see each other in msn, we'll talk about crappy stuff, thats so as usual. He said Xuan Bin and Calvin probably able to make it. My impression of hanging out with them stays at Secondary 3 or 4 when we were at MacD waiting for Jackson. Yup, 7 years ago.

We knew through mIRC and remains in contact; we made history.

**
Can I see you again, before you leave? I'm fond of you but its impossible to go beyond. I know, you know, we know.

I'd love to see the States you have lived. Take me away.

16-03-2010' 放下，了？

我已经放下了，


吗？

是接受了，但始终无法释怀。

J 的痛是被最爱，最信任的人背叛。 4年后，他放下了。他说＂算了，都过那么久了＂， 而不是＂我原谅你了＂。

＂这世界什么都在change＂言下之意对感情不再有信心。是因为社会，还是因为我造成的？很无奈但必须承认与认同。

爱情如屡溥冰。

4年后的我，能放下吗？

15-03-2010` Flu recovering

：）

It worked both ways- Blessings of 'Get well soon!' from friends and pre-medication to nab and tame the influenza virus early. I'm recovering, its more of stuffy nose now.

*
I am seeing my orthodontist on Wednesday. I'm praying hard for debond, haha! I think I'll still need about 1 or 2 more months.

**
其实，我，心里埋了好多秘密。

不能说的秘密。也因为藏了好久，不知道从何说起。

14-03-2010` White Valentines'

Happy White Valentines'!

*
Aiya, I should have said wanted something from Thailand, to see you again. Dumb.

**
My doctors are going Barcelona and Paris. How cool!

13-03-2010` FEVER

Anticipating fever. Its the sore throat and runny nose. 95% likely to develop into fever. I have one day to recover before heading back to work on Monday. Get well soon!

*
Its a crush. Admiration. The 2 weeks gives me time to get things straight. Rather, I have a whole year or life to think.

Reversal of roles.

12-03-2010` 屁啦！

屁啦！

*
J said, "You are too thin!!"

Inspired to sculpture to his ideal, I stuffed myself with Caesar salad, Fried chicken wings and Erdinger at past 11pm. Trust me, I was immensed with guilt.

The next day, YZ said, "Neither thin or fat." And I feel so bad, terribly wished I hadn't eaten so much. I desired for 'thin' or 'lean', when I fall out of either category.


WG said, "Wa, you lost so much weight hor!" He's at it again, amusing me with his questions. I said, "I went jogging". He was suprised, "You run in your house?!" Haha, this is my driving instructor.

I'm learning to park without poles. It scares me when I see the parking lots in the CDC circuit without poles. And was it me, or truly there was much fewer cars in the circuit today? Maybe everyone is out in the practice carpark to strout their stunts before getting their hands on the real thing.

He did some modifications to his car, an extra small mirror on top of the side mirrors and metal piece to the body of car next to the rear wheels to enable better vision while doing the parking.

We practiced using a black rubber ring and a slander white wooden plank. He was instructing me at which angle I have to turn but half of the times, I can't see the ring or the plank at all! I was following blindly.

Yet, he's beaming, saying it's actually alot easier because you can adjust bit by bit as you see and turn, and lesser chances to hit onto the curbs compared to the poles.

Say, I'm getting tired learning to drive. Can someone drive me please?

11-03-2010' 恋？

有种恋爱的感觉。但就是这种感觉最危险， 最容易消失。

至少，这是甜甜的。：）

10-03-2010` REDS

:)

Hair cut at REDS.

*
I've found you. Thank you for giving me a chance to say 'i'm sorry.'

He drives a FIT too. Time flies. Goodbye for now, I'll see you in a year's time, hopefully.

09-03-2010` Tears flow in clinic.

:(

This was my second episode crying in the clinic; my virgin tears was shed because of BGR and now, solely business.

My leave in May clashed, and I may not be granted leave. I had my air tickets and everything all booked. The December trip clashed because of mission trip and now, May because of exams. The pressure built up in me was too intense and hell broke loose. I felt so apologetic towards Lisa, because I'm making things difficult for her, AGAIN. As expected, a penalty charge will be imposed to change the date of flight.

The head nurse told me to go ahead with the travel plans. I'm having this mixed emotions.

08-03-2010` Cher Cher

:(

I wished I had the Coach poppy band rather than the Cher mini tote.

*
I tried to install background music but failed terribly. After working 2 hours on it, my eyes went blur and fatigue. The page hanged while loading the music which disable navigations.

**
I was trying to find kg_19102 on Facebook through the 'Finding Friends using Email account' function when my heart dead on me (I swear for at least a second!). First it generated a list of suggested friends, okay, there were 17 of them whom I barely in contact with, so I didn't add any of them. Then there was a sudden influx of 7 pending friends. He was one of them and it got me flustered. Okay, more than flustered, like catastatrophic. I was biting my nails and my hands turned cold. I tried asking some FB guru but none can swear on that. Then I reasoned, Obviously, it was me and my butter fingers which generated the invites rather than all 7 of them asking to be my friend at exactly 10.38pm. It concerns tonnes of pride as to who was being invited and who initiated the invite. I know I am being the childish one here.

At the same time, its 'grrr!' to know that his matters still gets my heart thumping.

I'll definately have problem sleeping tonight.

Yes, tested and proven. I barely slept; resorted to using air-con. Immunity down, I'm sneezing now.

07-03-2010` 6km

:)

*
I've reached the 50kg mark. Too much liberation on food intake. I forced myself upon a 6km.

**
Hope I'll have a chance to say 'I'm sorry' to the person I've hurted. It remains a sensitive issue between us, and shall forever be. Maybe one fine day when we all grew old and settled down, I will find the courage to say it in his face.

***
My window browser pops up with error and closes the explorer for Facebook. Am I infected with virus?

I am thinking of tagging a song to my blog, with it incorporated into the blogskin template. Any kind soul is able to provide the template? Thanks in advance.

I admire 林宇中 lyrics.

<失恋学>

初恋那个夏天我们学会热恋
要快乐有条件幸称有要诀

后来牵手很累我们学会告别
低估了想念
越想越危险越想见
我们忘了学怎么失恋
深夜该怎么不掉眼泪
还不了解爱的情节
一旦下了片不再上演

我们忘了学怎么失恋
移情别恋治不好失眠
偏让那不经意的遇见
却视而不见
我们都掩着
哭红了的双眼

06-03-2010` ALOHA?

:)

ALOHA ?

*
Isn't an iron ricebowl; jupitized.

Kindy talk in the morning. Lunched at Subway. Work later.

*
It had been a good 2 years since we last contacted. The guilt in me never cease. I wished him happy birthday every year but failed to get a reply.

'I'm happy that you are leading a life better than me. I have always felt apologetic towards you...'

03-03-2010` I am only a Therapist

An aquintance asked me, 'So which job you prefers?'.

I like the school for its simple mindedness. No politics. Work and go home. Go for meetings and gossips.

Here, I feel worn out. It seems like I was never good enough. I have been constantly reminded to generate profits. Personally, I am internally driven to produce good results, since young I have been trying to excel. Now, it feels like I'm in the last position in class.

Though unintentional, but it does hurt, 'You're only a Therapist'. The latter statement made was worst hence I decided to censored it off. I admired my courage to pull off a fake smile to melt the awkwardness.

I have been irresponsible and attributed the change in job, the shift work to my failed relationship. It had been a 'happily 8:00 - 5:30' job and everything was merry, and suddenly all came crushing down on me. I reckoned to have (or at least tried) to be supportive during the job rotation but the same understanding was not shown.

I guess I'm only trying to clear my guilt. F_cking irresponsible. ahh, finally the f word is out.

03-03-2010' My LOT

I went to the temple and pai pai. I drew lots regarding marriage and career.

The insights would be granted to sincere hearts. Contrary to the tradition, the lot paper now has english translation. Call me superstitous, but the bad omen lot I drew stayed true.

Marriage:
Objects viewed from a distance is not clear. Do not worry. Liken onto Jade found in rocks. A skilled Jeweller will polish it after unearthing it, to present its beauty.

Intepretation: Medium
Within rocks, blessings. Few knew this. Only when one fully understand the problem, then it is safe to go on.

Career:
You hesitate to undertake a project although you have dewelled on it for a long time. A Benefactor comes along and like a good solid wall, you can lean on him.

Interpretation: Good
Out with the old. In with the new. Flowers bloom again in spring. Your performance seems meaningless, yet you'll find it suits you.


Religion allows you to have a spiritual reliance. Somehow or rather, I heaved a sigh of relief. I need to understand the problem before moving on. And, I'll wait for the Benefactor.

*
I will not warrant a 3 days break from my jogs again; interval of 2 days break at most. I'm feeling tight at my chest during my jogs for the past 2 days. I attribute to my reduced in stamina and past indulgement in fast food (Carls Junior and Burger King).

**
I'm racking my brains to file the income tax. Complicated due to a switch in work. Need good advices.

Remember to file your income tax too.

***
Good or bad, I wish to stay ignorant. Until I can bring all these behind me, will I truly move on and accept.

01-03-2010` PMS

PMS. Never mind me.

*
I am unable to find a good man; when the best I've thought turned his back on me. Be flirtacious rather than committed. Because I don't want to be hurt again. This statement stays true or am I convinced otherwise.