End of Jan 2019

It had been a month of grieving, mourning. I'm still tearing from time to time. 

Learning to accept E is no longer in my life. Learning not to check how he is. Learning to let go. Learning to be by myself. 

Eating lesser, working out more. I've lost 6-7kg and am able to fit in those Abercrombie shorts, again. It feels good to be lighter, more agile. The 3.6km runs are seemingly manageable now, I'm pushing myself for 4.2 and 4.8km. I'm taking unlimited Muay Thai sessions, so I'll be in class for 2-3 times a week. I find the classes takes my mind off him, at least during the fights. Undeniably in my subconscious, I was *hoping* to see him there. But there is a good chance he never would, to avoid any contact with me. He could have found another place for MMA or alternative sport with Pisces. 

I made a promise to myself that I should love myself this way. To continue exercise, maintain a healthy weight and body. To live for myself. I often fall head over heels for someone and neglect myself. For now, I am not prepared to love or be loved. If I am ever loved by another, it will be a blessing.