Sick again.

My body has fallen.

Quality of sleep matters over quantity. I wished I'm not a light sleeper. I wished I can sleep in all environments.

*
Received PQ invitation today. We were besties through Poly. I am happy and envious for a loving young couple of 3 years, in contrast, I am so far behind.

I love E; sometimes it bemuse myself what I'd do for him.

But I can't deny of what I am going through. I felt ashamed of myself, of my situation I created. I have been more vulnerable and emotional these days. I was certain before I leapt but time seem to be proving me wrong. I thought by compromising and having him to curtail my temper, someday I could change myself to be less willful, more rational; and my sincerity could change him to be less self-centric, more attentive, all for the betterment of us. I wished I am happier, to be able to lift my head up to everyone and said everything is worthwhile. I do not know how to face myself and the judgements of others. The future I envisioned is so far away, it might not come.