24-05-15' fattening up again

复胖中😭😫

19-05-15' lost

I have some free time in the weekdays now since I don't have anymore classes. Doing some make up sessions for work and spent the remaining of the time at home rolling on my bed. 

I'm starting to taste boredom and asking if I wanted this for life. I need a change but I'm afraid for the change. The thought of having a 9-5 for 5.5 days a week is dreadful, and I wonder if I can ever get back on the working life cycle again. I'm kind of stuck on what I should, or can do for a career. The ideal self and actual self is battling hard. This is likely why I'm so craving to travel. To take some time to think through. Making decisions in life isn't easy, particularly those that scalp your life.

10-05-15' Mothers' day; 2 more exams

I hope this is the last mothers' day I have to spend mugging for exams. 

Happy mothers' day to the great mums and mums to be! 

*

For the past 2 weeks I've been sleeping after 1 or 2am and waking up between 8 to 9am. My body clock has adjusted to such. 2 more papers to go, Buddha please bless me to go through this! Effectively I'm clearing 5 papers within 8 days along with a Saturday and Sunday. Which is insane cos the years before, they were spanned at least 2 weeks to 3. More time for preparation and more confidence definitely. And the bad thing is that I thought I was more prepared in the prelims than when I was doing the papers in the expo hall. They seemed more manageable then than now. I feel so depressed over the things I should have written but didn't. Calvin said I'll get over it, and I agreed, it just takes time. 

07-05-15' regrets

一时失足千古恨。

Hate Poisson distribution

04-05-15' Counting down to exams

The count down metre has started. 2 more days to my first paper. The exam schedule has been unfavorable this time with 3 papers consecutively over 2 days and another 2 back to back. I lamented on how suay I can get for this timetable in my final year (fingers crossing).

I'm getting all the jitters. My body isn't adapting well to the stresses that I tend to feel bloated or getting nauseous at times, dizzy spells, breaking into cold sweat, lethargic, severe mood swings, unable to focus and hard to get enough hours or good quality sleep. Sometimes I entered into fright mood and I was lost on what to do. 

I fear that the things I read or attempt to memorize goes to blank at the exam hall. Because I simply can't recall them after turning the pages. I have 3 essay papers and 2 quantitative papers to sit for. I remembered reading upon the brain capacity of humans being able to remember the content of 18 sets of encyclopedia which puts me to awe. But judging from my case, I can't remember even half a set. I don't want to fail myself at the last lap after trying so hard and giving up so much for school. I took a full week from work since last week just to study. The relative effect of lost is significantly higher comparative to previous years and this stress compounded and caged me badly.

Please, let me graduate with a good honors and be happy like the other graduates in their convocation I saw in school last month.