31-12-14' New Year Eve for 2015

I'm seeing things clearer. 

I'm left to fend for myself if things were to go wrong. There is little value of staying or committing. 

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It's New Year Eve. As much as I wanted to be happy and chirpy, the bad scores came in repercussions. 

To ease things up, I might take over the current housing debt with my cpf and to stop working so I can concentrate on my studies. I had been spending too much efforts on my work, to monitor the returns (make sure the numbers are right for my cheque since figures were lesser for past 2 months), the patients, the appointments. 

Look up, 2015 will be a better year. 

13-12-14' HDB

I'm happy for my brother and sis-in-law that they can finally have a private place call home. 

I'm glad for Jing and Junwen that the lovely couple will be settling down soon in their new love nest.

I'm relieved to see Ying and BT are doing up their new flat and will be moving in soon.

Having and owning a home with your partner is an achievement. It brings the definition of 'home' to a whole new level. Looking back, I can see how stagnant I am. To be honest, I feel rather put off when people starts broaching the topic on 'when are you getting your house?'

Because neither of us envision this. It seems to be not in the game or something we are actively thinking about. This should be worrying, isn't it? I guess it tells alot. Marriage is not on the cards. Where would this lead us? 

The more weddings I attend, the further I feel away from the holy matrimony. The differences seems impossible to bridge; we can't seem to compromise anymore without feeling bitter. Maybe you can say all we need is some time or sparks, or a miracle.

11-12-14' Speaking up

Calvin commented I haven't been blogging, which means I'm worries free. 

I told him no. It should be worrying when one is not expressing because writings helps to release the tensions, anxiety and unhappiness better than verbal or other forms of expressions. Also, shutting himself away is dangerous because:

1)no signs or symptoms can be observed

2)no one knows and no one can help 

Indignant, disgruntled, distressed, disappointed to cognitive dissonance between real and ideal self, stemming disbelief and self doubt. It reconstructs his identity and sow seeds of inferiority. He finds no value in talking things out since it wouldn't change anything that he decides to take things by his own hands and ends his journey. 

Am I becoming the 'he'? I'm surprised I could say 'life's cool' when someone asked me how is life. I am pressured to show the ideal identity. Maybe it was superseded because I value the person and his perceptions. 

And yes for almost a good 2 months, I stopped blogging. There were times thoughts spouted and I needed to rant but I swept it under the carpet. Because others don't like soapy drama, because others don't want to read melancholic stories when their lives are bitter enough, because others want to see pictures and everything wonderful, because I don't want to go through the conflict being myself and who I want others to see me in. Can we live by a society where we wouldn't be judged so harshly? 

11-12-14' Gifting

Dear friends, Christmas and birthdays are approaching and everyone started to rack their brains for nifty gift ideas, including me! 

As much as I adore plushies and huggables, the recent allergy test showed that I can't keep them near me. The dust and dust mites will set me off bouts of sneezes and activate a runny nose. I have to vacuum packed them and send them to oblivion (which I think it's really sad for them, having watched Toys Story 3)

There are tons of amazing things I love. Pls do keep within budget though. I realised I have greedily requested for 2 Adidas watches in the previous years. I certainly wouldn't mind to keep this tradition going. 

Functionality is the key :)

Ah, speaking of which I need to get a microwave for my family.