30-06-2010` Happy Birthday Xiaoxin!

Happy Birthday to Xiaoxin! Thank you for being part of the Chengs. It hadn't been easy!

*
Balancing the relationships, juggling with career and finance, who said life is a breeze?

See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil.

29-06-2010` Body, warming up.

I felt warm when I woke up at 11am this morning. The exposure to drizzle and runny nose had gotten the better side of me.

The jogs have been boosting my immunity in some ways; I managed to escape unscathed from hoards of bacteria attack for the past few months. Likewise, it doesn't takes a genius to realise once I step down from the runs, I will be ever so frail to infections.

Discipline.

*
We had the first round of firing off at each other last night regarding discrepency in work perspectives. My Capricorn nature of 'down-to-earth' is surfacing; the stick in mud mentality of slog hard, reaping what you sowed. Perhaps thats why Capricorns never make it big or have that breakthrough in digits of their bank accounts.

And stubborness is yet another characteristics of Capricorn. Thats to say its almost impossible to change how I perceive things. Great, just great isn't it? We can look forward to future bouts of firearms.

**
I dreamt of the Dec trip turning to a flop, again. Truly upset by the recurrence.

But think again, I will be fine flying alone to Japan now. The thought chains excitement within, actually.

27-06-2010` SIA JP woes.

I've screwed up big time. I have to learn to clear the mess by myself. This assesses how much the other party will get his hands dirty and dig u out of the rut.

I made a BOO BOO in the booking of air tickets online, again. This time round, with the date of return flight with solely my negligence and incapability to note that 00:10 midnight flight should be counted the next day. And given the good deal, strictly no amendment is accepted. Therefore the trip will be shorten by 1D1N to 6D5N. Blame on my stupidity and nothing else.

Sigh.

*
I have a gut feeling I MAY have to kiss my heels goodbye, for good.

**
The coincidence caused myself to be pretty much shaken and palms icy. I don't know why we've come to this way. Seriously, why? I don't feel good at all. To feign ignorance. We used to be so close, through thick & thin, gossips & hurdles, lessons & practicals.

I have asked Fab before, 'What if your friend, or best friend, did something which you deemed is ethically, morally, not right? What would you do?'

'Even if it's not right, as long as he know what he's doing, I will be supportive. Advise accordingly, but to be receptive on his part is another issue. It'll not put our ties at risk. Precisely if we're close, I should be able to feel more for him'

Till the day we can untie this knot as how matured adults ought to.

Japan FNE 6N $1137 by SQ. Lisa said it's a steal.

I turned into a green eyed monster seeing my friends' happily ever after.

Being loved and pampered. Congratulations!

23-06-2010' This pretty much says it.

Men waits for no women.

*
It has been a week since I punctured my ears. Technically to say, I pierced my ears. Yes, you've gotten me right. Finally i found my gutso, but of course, it's not possible without dragging people into the graveyard with me. Calvin kenna for this instance.

I remembered birthdays year after year it had always been at the back of my mind, and I'd go yakking to Jing, 'i'll do it this year!', well, this is it!

I fear of the gun still. To me, the shot was worse than any form of injections. The burning sensation which came along practically hurts like hell. I'd pathetically console myself, this pain is nothing near woman in labour. It helps a great deal in psychoing my mind. Inflammation and swelling did kicked in, unfortunately and I'm yet out of the suffering. At least no pus or acute pain, that is, and save me a trip to the doctors.

22-06-2010` Retainers. UFO sightings?!

I had accidentally drowned my retainers in the toilet bowl; left it stranded in Sakae Sushi restaurant. What's next?!

*
Witnessed paranomal sight in the sky last night. At 2.08am, intermittenly, small spot lights travelling at insane speed, dotted the sky. Laser beams it seems but with no apparent sign of it coming from the land.

UFO? As though they knew we were observing. When we popped our heads out, they went into hiatus. Coincidence?

19-06-2010` Chanel Tote

Motivation.

18-06-2010` Interviews

Among the pool of candidates, to be shortlisted pretty much proves your worth. To emerge victorial among others, is the perfect ego boost of the day. The scene reminded me of the past. ...to give up the position at P.T, despite the triumph at the interview, in order to send to me to fro work. Being sandwiched between id and super ego, I simply have to follow where my ego leads me. The eventual, for me to learn independence and utmost compromising on his part to maintain 3/5 days of chaffeur duties.

I was so lucky.

18-06-2010' 49th day ritual

And so it was revealed. After the admittance to hospital, grandma gave her instructions to the last wishes she wanted her children to fulfill.

This stirred an unexplicit feeling in me- if I would be able to do the same, with my thoughts preoccupied with paving the future for my descendents. Most likely not. I will be terrified of where I would be, when it's gonna be.

She had in mind, family cohesion. We had a good lunch over the round table at Tekong Seafood, something which the extended family hadn't been doing so for a decade. As we reminisce the old days, guilt came to me as why we hadn't been doing so when grandma was around, especially this wish, I believe, had been in her heart all along.

My parents have always pinning these hopes on their 2 children.
1. Going university
2. Owning a family car

Its a shame that till date, neither of us is able to achieve.

Seeing how the envious my folks were, chanting and praising their silblings for having a good life because of their childrens' accomplishment, has brought no less shame to their daughter. This indirect cue has worked it's magic and inspired me to own a vehicle. I can see the glimmerly proudness of their precious girl in their eyes when I have gotten my driving license. By the end of year, a rental car at least, I swore to myself.
*
SGY 3803R. What resemblance, yet again.

Everything feels so wrong. It shouldn't be like this, isn't it?

I am having big issues with myself.

'Sometimes I just feels like giving up and walk away'

*
Darn. I just landed my retainers straight into the toilet bowl, by my own hands. Disgusted and disgrunted.

11-06-2010' Confident, &$&£|*}^%{>]*+\¥!

The quickest way to define someone? Look at his/her friends! Basically how his character is shaped under the influence of his khakis. That's how the term, 'birds of the feather flock together'.

I'm blessed with friends who are good in nature, pretty much modest girls who don't boast or claim credits for what they've done. I strived to be fighting alongside with them, to uphold the integrity. But rather, it's impractical in the working life. You'll be pinned down hard on being not confident. Tell me how to go about being humble yet confident without being arrogant and overbearing? I was pissed for not being appreciated.

Alright, roll the curtains. Let's be pretentious. Smile!

I know what I want now. A man who can provide me with a future. Nothing fancy, plain simple. Serious, not happy-go-lucky.

Sets me thinking. If I am heading towards that direction, or the reverse.

09-06-2010` Driving license!

I have gotten my Class 3 Driving license. Fab, can you hear me?

08-06-2010' driving woes

( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

法便的魔咒！

*
I would be so much happier now if I haven't pick up driving.

The source of motivation to learn driving has left me. How do I pick up the broken pieces?

**
I wish to have moved on but my dreams tells me otherwise.

Diazepam will help me to sleep. They'll be my magic pills for the time being.

06-06-10` Capricorn X Sagittarus

Please, not let fidelity be the issue. Infidelity, coincidentally is a trait in Sagittarus. The ugly truth has act like a lesh, causing me to hold back.

One in a million, to find someone who is living at similar standard and sharing the same perspective as you. Honestly put it, I am still adapting. Many times, I went into a trance, thinking if I am able to tune myself to make myself compatible; wouldn't it be better if neither party has to change to accommodate to each other. And the finale question always ends with, "Why did I raise the white flag and surrender my happiness when I had found someone so right?" I closed my eyes, rest my case and let the tears flow.

I hate to be corrected. I hate to be interrupted when I'm talking. I hate to activate my defensive self. It shown all the ugly side of me. When you love someone, you're supposed to make the person shine, and not bring the person down and plagued with inferiority, isn't it?

Matters of heart is truly complicated.

02-06-10` Marina Barriage

Happiness isn't as consistent. :/

*
渐渐地，在我身上看见以前的你。你说，只要我快乐，你就快乐。但，为何你快乐不起来了？

原来，你的快乐不是来自我。默默地承受一切，逼自己改变。

眷。