UGLY

And suddenly I wasn't so thrilled with the trip anymore.

The lack of sleep has got me easily irritable. I feel so flawed.

28-02-2010` NATAS last day

NATAS fair final day. Toiled hall 4 and 5. The crowd wasn't as big compared to yesterday. Perhaps the effects from an early afternoon. For 4D3N TW 1N HK, I was quoted $927 - $1330. Drastic comparision with 8D7N TW for $860 booked last year. Flying by Cathay Pacific entitles free stopover at HK, with no surcharges for the flight from TW to HK and HK to SIN.

Ironically, its cheaper to travel in pair- the price difference of a Single and a Couple travel amounts to $300; reason being the charges imposed for a single to occupy a room entirely for yourself, as well as the airline promotion packages for 2 to fly. Through these 2 days, I have mastered my script for asking for quotes 'Taiwan FNE, Single travel, flying by Cathay Pacific stopover at HK', they never failed to quint their eyes, cocked their heads to one side and some sacarstically asked 'Why 1 person travelling? Get another one to go lah! Your boyfriend or friend. Cheaper!'.

At one point of time I felt so dejected because I was obstracised for travelling alone, making things difficult for them. I said to myself, Give it up. This is simply going against the course of nature.

Had a 5 minutes break to have a mental debrief. I have to see Lisa, fulfilling my promise at least. If all else fails, I will not travel. Grace must have taken pity on me. Lisa managed to attend to me and she didn't probe much into the JP incident despite so much drama. She took it rather light-hearted. Thats how mature women handle such sensitive topics, truly I have alot to learn from. Though eventually the deal is sealed off at $960, not the best bargain, but I'd say the trust in her to plan everything to my best interest. What else can you say when she goes online to find the cheapest hotel and fares tailored to your needs? Her colleagues quoted me $1011, $1330 (A young chap stated HK hotel minimum 2N stay). Affrinity you can say, there's people you can click and people you can't click no matter how much you try.

Its settled, after all the mental struggles. I will be flying on 4th May.

Oh, and I almost forgot that I survived the past 48 hours with a measly 4 hours sleep.

27-02-2010` NATAS; MOVIDA

Its almost 5am. The birds are chipping 'ey-yore' as the morning call. The usual I would hear when I used to work for school clinic, waking up at 6 plus 7am.

Back from Movida, St James. Lots of updates to do at a later time. First experiences.

The red Toyota WISH taxi driver was driving at 130km/h and the system gave a beeping sound whenever the speedometer exceeds 120km/h. And it came to me, TOYOTA. Was on the verge to buckle my seat belt but decided not, due to the awkwardness it'd bring. Anyway, we got home safely and I'd remember his cabby as one with 3 teddy bears and 1 purple bear/dog on his dock.

*
NATAS Fair, as usual, I need 2 days before deciding on the trips. I went to Lisa from Euroasia to see to my travelling needs. I didn't managed to pull it off the embarrassment from the inconvenience caused by the last JP trip. I recalled her asking, inevitably as any concerned individual, 'Is everything okay between the 2 of us?'. And I had to came up with lies after lies to mask my 'abandonment'. A blessing or not, she was occupied all the 3 times I visited her booth. She passed my case to her colleague but appears to be a novice. 'I'd return tomorrow to see you again', I said before bidding farewell and rushing off (seriously straining my neck for time) to meet Miao at VIVO. I have to come up with new packaged lies to uphold his integrity I guess, sigh.

MOVIDA
A pumpkin bum like me is not able to tolerate the flashing lights from the disco. Its blinding me with the 'lighting bolts' which described by Jing as 'turning the images into animations'. I started to have tears welled up. Partly have to admit is the memories locket which was triggered. Once, I had this someone who would drive recklessly, cutting lanes, to company me at ZOUK. And this someone had became another's someone.

To think when Miao asked me a couple of hours ago, whether I'm okay, I told her straight, 'I am starting to get used to'. Yes, I'm crying now; for all my brave front and hard work which I have put up over the 3 months, had turned into ashes this instant.

How I wished I haven't loved a man who didn't loved me.

When I wake up in the morning, everything will be back to normal again. Just like a fairy godmother works on her magic spell and resume my peacefulness.

26-02-2010' Hougang

Hougang is lined with good food!

25-02-2010` SIA recruitment drive

SIA recruitment drive for cabin crew on 20th March at Sheraton Tower. Should I?

*
I'm in love with, m_s c_ic__n! Fill in the blanks!

24-02-2010' locked out of house

I am locked out of my home. Not that it's new to me, but I have nothing to do while I'm out. :(

Will be good to bring 2 pairs of keys out thereafter.

*
Paging peeps who are interested to watch Disney on Ice. Refer to web for details,

http://www.sistic.com.sg

Available from 18-21 March. Tickets priced from $15.50, $30.50.

*
One day, you logged on this site as per normal but found the page to be gone, what would you do? I'd love to know what is going through your mind.

23-02-2010` Black mane

My appetite increased. Not sure if that's considered binge, but certainly eating more than I used to. With the heavy input, the weight loss is no longer significant, even though I have been keeping up with the runs and even more laps.

The reportedly incidences of sudden cardiovascular death of atheletes worries me. I knew my heart isn't functioning well and am pretty much putting my life at risks.

*
Black hair looks like a wig on me. I wanted chestnut brown or dark chocolate but apparantly colours can be subjective. My tresses can be better cropped by another stylist. Might be trying out Chapter2 or REDS for a cut.

**
I have found my way to Bedok 85 Fengshan market. I hope to be able to hold my tears when I'm having the Chaichee pork porridge. It was our last dinner. May the memories RIP.

***
I will be flying Taiwan alone for vacation. Might just in time for cherry blossom.

22-02-2010` Night without handphone

Gotta sleep through the night without my phone. I feel so insecured!

21-02-2010` Illusion

I have to learn to dessociate any possibilities from you. I will listen to you and let it go, because you told me so.

*
Am I the me whom you've known? If you've seen me teared from laughing, not misery, then you've not seen the real me.

I yearn for companion but phobic of betrayal. The transcient barrier. I don't have the courage to put faith in relationship. Because subconsciously, it'd end up the same way.

I'm putting a false front to be proactive. Underneath that defence mechanism is the raw me who withdrawn from the war. I don't dare to go a step further. Stagnation of status at 'Friends'.

Look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone.

20-02-2010` Luo hei at Tuckwei house

Thanks to,

Tuckwei and Shixing 's mum for their kind hospitality.

Tuckwei for his plasters.

Shixing and Maomao for flipping through their facebook and sieve through the suitable man.


*
I slept at 4am, yawn. But going to Jing's house got me all hyped up. Cheers.

I've been thinking...

:) :( :/ :| :S :0 :] :[ :\ :` :> :< :D :C

Phobic.

17-02-2010' This year

This year I hope to:

Master wearing heels
Start swimming; with jing

16-02-2010' Day 97; 复活 - 林宇中

Day 97

Back to basics, I have a verdict. If I'd known, I wouldn't allow myself to be fallen.

I was reminded of 'Greed of heart' HK drama. Penning down secretly in his online journal, though it's never made to be known to another.

复活 - 林宇中

你变得像他一样沉默
偶尔也像他一样活泼
连笑声也都一样
我怎么忘
也忘不过一秒
我想要爱
却看到他离开的刹那
你将爱情带走
留我一个分手的魔咒
叫我伤得彻底不敢再妄想谁的温柔
看我的眼神闪躲
我知道你有话不能说
我该如何假装
心才不隐隐作痛
你说分手后
你(我)第一次有想爱的念头
可是眼前的是他还是你(我)
还在争夺
我懂你不想承诺
却又无法解开这魔咒
让我在你心里面复活
无数次的复活
我只要你爱我

远远看你勇敢在心头
靠近一点却又太懦弱
不拆穿你的困惑
爱不了我(你)
至少不要难过
任何结果
我会点头
只要你快乐
你将爱情带走
留我一个分手的魔咒
叫我伤得彻底不敢再妄想谁的温柔
看我的眼神闪躲
我知道你有话不能说
我该如何假装
心才不隐隐作痛
你说分手后
我(你)第一次有想爱的念头
可是眼前的是他还是你(我)
我(你)还在争夺
我不想给你承诺
却又无法解开这魔咒
让我在你心里面复活
无数次的复活
我只要你爱我
无数次的复活
我只要你爱我

15-02-2010` chanel is love.

14-02-2010` I'll miss you.

I have threw away the treasure box. Because the promises aren't valid anymore, the magic in the significance is lost. I have sliently planted a deadline for myself. Though I'm hesitating still, for the fear I will rampage the garbage to retrieve it.

I'm venturing my baby steps.

Forlorn. Precise description.

*
Intoxicated with a mere 4.9% alcohol Hoeggarden.

Happy lunar year folks.

14-02-2010` Valentine effect

Blank after playing PUZZLE FIGHTER on PS3, courtsey of bro & wife.

The valentine effect has set in. The sudden feel of incompleteness. Not in particular noting the date. Its more like a curse, to reap upon at the right time.

Just as I was beginning to see the benefits of the life of bachlorette. Damn it!

12-02-2010`

Familiar? Birthday gift. I hope 6 months to down the road I would still be keeping up with the runs to maintain my weight.

*
Ahh, this year CNY isn't going to be merry. I hope the elders will evade the personal questions. I'm not comfortable in divulging my inner self.

11-02-2010` Rabbit baby

I'd love to have my baby born in the rabbit zodiac. Thats to say, to be pregnant this year and give birth next year. Okay, I need an X/Y chromosome.

:_(

09-02-2010` surreal

Of late, been experiencing problems in sleeping. That came surprising with my worn out physical.

And so, you'll get a grouchy me in the next morning.

*
Was planning the April trip. The framework is roughly there but have to work out my maths. Very much dependent on the NATAS fair to see what they have to offer.

I'm subjecting myself to more memories war. Either I'm heading for self detonation or total recovery. I might break down once or twice but if I managed to pull it through, I'll be fine.

I need a mental break. Give me something or someone to divert my attention please.

07-02-2010` CNY shopping

Was in town for CNY clothes shopping with Jing.

We talked alot, as usual, anyway, what can you expect from 2 women?!

We totally agree hands-up that black apparels are superb. Goes well with any and every thing. And my recent obsession with buying black stuff. 3 tops, 1 dress, 1 cardigan in black. Now is to keep everything under wrap and slowly release them into my closet without my mum jumping at me with the supersitious issues.

*
My friends are feeling the heat of me being single. I'd say more of pressure from me dating them *chuckled! Suggestions made includes: digging hard into their friends database to help me find a suitable guy (really appreciate!); recommending me to SDU (Speed dating centres); going for courses and meeting new people (salsa!?).

I went through my options and concluded that my field of work poses much restrictions to finding the right one. Therefore, if I remains single till the end of year, I might seriously consider changing line to customer service oriented, like air cabin crew (ambition since young). Though the uncertainties in moving out of my comfort zone greatly hinders my decision.

I have mended my perceptions towards relationship and will try to fend myself from falling badly.

Till then, Wish me luck!

06-02-2010` Rainy days

On rainy day, what would you think of?

'Tyres will skiied'.

*
I haven't been doing my spring cleaning. Intended to spread the chores over the 4 days CNY break. I'll be free during the festive season, so if there's any outings, I'm on!

**
Braces update. 41, 42 remains slightly malaligned. I'm expecting to be offically off the metal wires and move on to retainers by June. Keeping my fingers crossed.

04-02-2010` Getting lighter

I swore to have a piece of KFC chicken in CNY and exercise after that.

In case you've been following up on the posts, yup, I've opened the bag of LAYS that was left stranded. I carefully restricted the number of the pieces of chips to take each time, yes, I calculated. Yet despite all efforts, my verdict is potato chips are EVIL. Absolute weight gainer, unless you're able to balance the output. I have given up on LAYS, until all these fatal attactions to lose weight cease.

I have been monitoring my weight by the public weighing machine at AMK for the last 3 weeks. The sounds silly not to own a weighing machine but I reckoned by having one means I would go stand and weigh myself every other hour and drive myself hysterica with the plus minus 1-2kg.

My colleagues have been swearing (swearing: vulgaries) how skinny I am now. Quoted 'If you were to lose anymore weight, you'll become flat then not nice anymore!'.

But, I am not yet to the shape I was for the Prom night! That I can safely say, I am thin. Sigh, I am finding the perfection amidst the imperfection.

I have conquered 5km and felt like dying.

*
If only you could see me now. I'm fulfilling what I have to do without knowing why I'm doing this anymore.

02-02-2010` Pasta Craving

I'm craving for Pasta de Waraku. :(

01-02-2010` Skintone search photo