27-09-09` Extra hours.

You have successfully ruined my Sunday and made my Monday incredibly dreadful. I am exploited. What can I do when all odds are against me?

A frustration within me, I'll always remember the scar. Don't depend on my fidelity- you've inflincted the wound by twisting your words round.

*
I sense an impending crisis. I am unable to take the consequences. My mental will crush, sinking into deep depression and possible suicide attempts. I don't know when I'll be able to take the blow, a week, a month, 6 months. But an answer I shall seek.

It may be a moment of emotions, it may not be. I know I'm losing it.

24-09-09` Miss Marc Jacobs

I thought Miss Marc Jacobs from Marc Jacobs is really cute!

23-09-09` fb commercialised

I find fb is commercialised. You might be coerced to add someone, pretend to be who you are or who you aren't. For example, if your boss added you in facebook, you have to accept wholeheartedly. you can't say you've gotten a day off with mc. Thats what I used to do, but certainly now no more. Sometimes co-workers might make remarks, you can't ascentain if they're referring to you. It can be hurtful, or rather, would be hurtful after all the speculating.

Its all the surface work. People can't see the way you are. Just like how reality is, cold and cruel.

22-09-09` What should I do

Through past experiences, it had etched in me the sense of insecurity when you are not around. I hate this feeling of uncertainty.

Give and take, the law in relationship is clear. The field of acceptance excludes doing any harm to your health. I fear, this shall forever be the debating subject, something I can easily lay the blame upon if any fractures would to occur.

Obstinate I am. Its not unwilling to compromise but I am unable to compromise. Instead of giving you a deadline (which obviously doesn't work), I should be giving myself a deadline. If I am not able to cross this hurdle of compromising myself, I will have to let this relationship go.

Its time to get serious.

20-09-09` Implanted tooth helps blind recovers sight

A 60-year-old US grandmother, blind for nearly a decade, has recovered her sight after surgeons implanted a tooth in her eye as a base to hold a tiny plastic lens, her doctors said.
For patients whose bodies reject a transplanted or artificial cornea, this procedure implants the patient's tooth in the eye to anchor a prosthetic lens and restore vision.

In the procedure -- which was pioneered in Italy but was a first in the United States -- the medical team extracted the patient's canine or "eyetooth" and surrounding bone, shaved and sculpted it, and drilled a hole into it to insert an optical cylinder lens.

The tooth and the lens were implanted under the patient's skin in the cheek or shoulder for two months so they could bond, then they were carefully implanted in the center of the eye after a series of procedures to prepare the socket.

A hole is made in the mucosa for the prosthetic lens, which protrudes slightly from the eye and enables light to re-enter the eye allowing the patient to see once again.

She was able to recognize objects and faces a few hours later, and two weeks later she was able to read newspapers.

Amazing.

20-09-09` Fab in Shanghai

Public holidays - the official off days.

Its a shame to say I have to squander it alone with Fab in China with his course. I am sure fortunate to have a PH fall on Aug and Sept since I've switched over to the private line.

I'm strapped up to my neck with my finances. It wouldn't be as bad if not for the Jp trip and I've been asking myself if its worthy to subject myself to such stresses. Fab asked me if I regretted, I told him no. But the truth is, I ain't sure myself.

I have been planning for the trip in every free time I have, before bedtime, during off-patients time in clinic. I'm a worrywart. The language barrier that sparks off the determination to reduce the possible hiccups. Yet I know such anticipation will lead to emptiness when the event is over.

16-09-09` Diarrhea virus?

I have been having diarrhea on and off for a couple of days. Fab told me there's articles circulating regarding diarrhea virus thats air-bone. Imagine that.

12-09-09` The bathroom war.

Blogger did not save my draft which I typed half way through. 

The bathroom war never seems to cease.

I was upset by the comments made on the 'worldwideweb'. Remaining silent doesn't mean I was not hurt. Being an accuse so many times, I've tried hard to keep my emotions within, because retaliating don't make me any better. But why am I always faulted? 

For the 4 mornings I need to attend the FDI, I synchronised the timetable in the way it would not infringe the routine. It ended up with me either watching the morning news or lying on the couch in the hall for another 5 to 10 mins. No, I did not let the grievness out, not until now. I was hoping that my tolerance would be applied on me, but hell no. 

I stepped onto the mine field again, when I was getting ready for my driving test. Probably it was my instructor's or my mistake for booking the practical test date 4 months in advance at 11am. I will need to get there by 9am for the warm up session. I need to transfer a bus and leave by 8.15am, so I got up at 7.50am. The last thing you would expect is a bathroom drama waiting to roll out. Anyone who enrolled into CDC or taking bus 45 would know the wait is terrible. I have taken taxis twice because of the infrequent bus timing, so anyone with the sense of urgency should take a cab too. In this incident, clearly my mistake, I would gladly take up the responsibility of reimbursing the cab fare.

The solution evidently is to have another bathroom installed with heater and clear the stuff so that it can be used. The plan which will effect when I'm financially stable.

I failed my driving test with 12 points and 2 immediate failures. Imagine the sense of incompetence I had after 6 months of lessons, the disappointment from my instructor, fab. When I left the TP room, my instructor was all smiley waiting for me at the end of the stairs. I shook my head and voice rearing off. Tears beaming but I was fighting very hard not to shed.

Then I saw this cynical remark of 'don't impose one because of your own problems'. I had tons of such sarcastic remarks but I am not able to take another one at this point of time. I will shut myself away from facebook.

I stayed at Fab's place because I can feel a fever coming up, characterised by the burning sensation at the throat. True enough, it came full blown at the mid night. I felt terrible, physically and mentally.

Because I am still on probation, any days off taken will be considered as no-pay leave. I cannot afford to take MC. As I'm typing in clinic, I'm still crying. Even colleague who knows me for a month offered her care. 'Its running nose', a white lie I said. What have you done?

09-09-09` I can't drive an auto or a manual.

I realised I can't drive, be it an auto or manual car. It came to me as a big 'why' with regards to getting a license, since I can't drive, don't have a car to drive, and can't get others to trust on me driving.

*
Diarrohea 5 times today. My bad karma for getting an mc for a day rest.

**
I am always sleepy, at least that holds true for other's perceptions. I'm tired, mentally; switching off.

Everyone has different piorities in life, they decide where they want to channel the money to. As long as its within one's mean, we can't infringe upon their 'wants'. To you it may be doubling your closet deem most important, while another pooled the money in cars, investments, properties, stock markets.

For me, its travelling. Though occasional splurge on luxurious goods still stand. Having said that, I will be expecting a holiday in December. I keep my earns and wish to be respected. Thats the motivating factor for working, isn't it?

06-09-09` Happy Birthday Fab!

Happy Birthday Fab!

*
FDI has come to a close. It had not been easy to stay through the lectures but we made it. Good and bad times, I especially love the warth by HKY from the mudpie accident, you know what I mean. Its these special moments that you know you will remember for life.

**
Into the reality, the superficial of humans. How contridicting. Don't say what you don't mean and don't do what you don't intend. Its all the surface job, it shows.

I don't know if this honest bone in me will bring me my downfall in life. This is me, what you see is what you get.

02-09-09` FDI 2009

I have been anticipating FDI, the get together with friends, a get away from work cycle.

Interaction, not much. I supposed I'm gaining independence.

I like collecting freebies from the booths. The sense of achievement and trying out different products. I like Pepsodent toothpaste, which unfortunately, does not penetrate the local market. Its available in Indonesia and other SEA countries.

Or otherwise, you can simply say I am aunty, going around picking up free stuff.

Looking forward.