>>reflection<<

*beep beep*.. ard 8 i got my results via my handphone. somehow i had a gut feeling that the msg is the one. how? i dunno... womens' intuition i guess. initially i was quite happy.. until i realised i have no distinctions. --which means i lose to the 'hao lian'. many ppl might think i shud be contented. yes, indeed i am, but not when the tot of losing to her came into my mind. its not that i wanted to be the crown of the class or wad-so-ever but its just that i resent her act and 'hao lian-ness', so i set my goal to defeat her. i failed myself. checking the results online demoralised me further. i dunno how to calculate the stoopid module credit but i had a hitch that i wasnt doing so well. =/

life had been tough for me these days as i wonder everyday how i manage to struggle and stagger through day by day.

whenever i look 呆呆 as i work, my mind is actually full of tots, worries. worrying for today's bus fare, for tml's lunch, capability to reach my target, possibility for errors, what shud i do after i quit.. but this only increases my chances of making more errors.

我很想逃， 很想找某某角落休息。
回到家就忍不住哭， 一直哭。 总觉得自己好累， 背着很重，很重的包袱。几乎就面临了崩溃的状态。
很多事觉得自己知道了， 感受到了，却应‘以大局为重’ 或某些理由不能说。好辛苦唔。 即使我觉得自己受委屈，那种酸酸、很不是滋味的感觉，但我始终告诉自己是自己多心了，要对对方有信心。我想对方也是这样想的吧? 一直想纠正观点， 从另一个角度看东西但就是像海豚湾恋人的哒哒海豚 - 它的眼睛被摘下， 看不到美丽的蝴蝶和彩虹。 我想我快要向命运低头了