Sick again.

My body has fallen.

Quality of sleep matters over quantity. I wished I'm not a light sleeper. I wished I can sleep in all environments.

*
Received PQ invitation today. We were besties through Poly. I am happy and envious for a loving young couple of 3 years, in contrast, I am so far behind.

I love E; sometimes it bemuse myself what I'd do for him.

But I can't deny of what I am going through. I felt ashamed of myself, of my situation I created. I have been more vulnerable and emotional these days. I was certain before I leapt but time seem to be proving me wrong. I thought by compromising and having him to curtail my temper, someday I could change myself to be less willful, more rational; and my sincerity could change him to be less self-centric, more attentive, all for the betterment of us. I wished I am happier, to be able to lift my head up to everyone and said everything is worthwhile. I do not know how to face myself and the judgements of others. The future I envisioned is so far away, it might not come.

Wowed

'You're not that almighty'

... not doing for you, but myself.

Truth hurts.

Breaking apart.

I am feeling lousy. I feel myself breaking into pieces, literally.

You don't like my parents; 

I get it, they're over-protective and not the friendliest folks to live with.

You critcized my brother; 

I understand because he is too nice and gets pushed over.

You question the strength of my friendships with my buds; 

It is the dynamics of our bonds. We will be there for each other when the need arises, given the commitments each of us have.

You commented about my work which I took pride in;

I put my efforts into each piece of work, I do not agree with you. 

What values am I left with? 

The nucleus values and people I cared for have been denied.

Nobody is ever good enough for you, including me.

Annoyance

I have this annoyance when people talk to me. I get snappy and wants to shut the other person up. This aggression isn't healthy. Is this signs of depression?