27-03-2011' his RCT and avulsed tooth

I dreamt that he was wearing an orange jersey going up the escalator looking for me. In tears, he gingerly pushed his left incisor which is terribly loose. The incisor detached from the socket. I realized he's seeking for help. I did a mental prep of what I'm supposed to do for avulsion. I called Dr M. Ong and she said she'll rush down from N.Dc to pick him up. Suspected that the mobility is due to root canal for the trauma tooth and its developing a PA lesion that eats up the alveolar bone. ... The story ends abruptly, leaving a bitter taste when I woke up.

Hmm...

28-03-11' contented x complacent

Being contented= complacent?

If it stands true, to be contented, it contraindicates with drive. Because I would be happy with what I have and not pushing to strive further. If you want to be happy, the basics lies in being contented with what you presently have. Maybe there is a grey zone; maybe there is a balance on the beam. But where am I placed?

I'm trying too hard because I could have live by happily with what I have, the imperfections in life.

Silence.

What's left to say with I'm rebuked on constantly?

I rest my case.

I'm plagued by depression, still.

I can't see my future.

*

03-03-2011` Reluctance

I have 25 messages notices from facebook. 23 of them work-related. It's within a day.

No breather even after official working hours because a reply is expected.

Adhoc duties, replying enquiries is like being 'Auntie Em from the teenage forum' replying and addressing destressed teens. The job is not dedicated, because that would mean you have full control to judge what is appropriate. No, it is indicated, meaning I have to do it and later on tightly scrutinized and heavily amended that it's not my piece anymore. So why, are we doing double work when clearly, in your opinion, I am not up to your standard?

Its only till last week that I learnt we do not have the right to make diagnosis on behalf of doctors. This only looks ugly on the hygienist that we can only SEE what is there, why it could be there, what can be prevented and we're not supposed to say what can be done. We tell them outright that they have a problem but we are not allowed to tell them the solution, apparent to them as though we do not know the solution. Do you see the awkwardness?

What about the biomatrix fingerprint signing in? Huge cooperations used that to track employees signing in and out because they might not see each other by working at different levels. Isn't this overwhelming for a practice with <30 staff? I'd say its a matter of trust in fact. The machine and system will add to the overhead and cost more than paying for OT.

My half day leave is still pending. The numbers of days that we are entitled to but unable to utilize. Then ironically at the end of the year, telling us that they are paying too much for our leave encashment. Because either we don't get to spend or we use our time-offs instead from standing in for each other on your request.

I feel reluctant to go ahead with the massive changes. I feel reluctant to do what I have been doing. I feel reluctant to be awake that I intentionally overdosed myself with drowsy medications.

No doubt about it, depression is setting in.