C is married

 C is married. Happy for him. A pang of envious, sadness. ‘It could have been me’. Our paths could have been very different. It made me reflect on myself. I lead him to nowhere. 7 years of wandering. My superfluous lifestyle. The never satiated traveling. I have to admit that R is a better half for him than me. 

HJ is pregnant. Huge congratulations. 

Everyone is moving on to next phase of life. I’m still holding on, hesitant, stagnant. I hate myself.