Japan, Tokyo

First trip without anyone sending off to airport.

First trip my phone is so quiet. I don’t know who to share when I see something exciting.

I’m angry at myself, for not being able to let go. It still bothers me about him, his reactions, or no actions.

Problem is, I’m expecting something. A sorry or guilt, maybe? When I have truly let go, i don’t give a shit and could still happily gallivanting.

Grrrr...

I’m supposed to be happy. I spent money and time for this trip to make myself happy. Make this work!

Telegram Last Seen

Telegram last seen
18/3 6:10pm

Used Synergy’s phone and saw him online recently, least for the past 3 days.

Had to reply to Steph’s msg on Telegram and saw his last seen status to be after Synergy’s.

I thought he’s traveling with KF during the Mar school holidays. He may be, I don’t know. There are things better left not knowing.

2 sessions in a day

2 Muay Thai back to back. Helps to learn faster. Repetitive movements

Tac-block and slip. Under and uppercut.

I get hungry so easily!

Gosh, my stomach has been growling. I had to snack in between to keep it quiet. My appetite has grown too. I’m biting my hand to stop myself from feeding. My weight is shooting to 55kg again. What’s wrong with me?!

Muay Thai set - ending with flying knee

Tough fight last Sat #MuayThai

Jab - Cross - hook (L) - uppercut (R) - jab (step in) - knee (L) - elbow (R; sl step right) - uppercut (L) - hook (R) - hook (L; step left) - round house (R) - knee (R; sl step back) - flying knee (R)

FB post on 10kg weight loss

I’m getting better at being alone, hence the lack of posts. Keeping myself busy, work, Muay Thai, run, dinner with friends/colleagues/family, volunteer for dental screening for domestic helpers.

4 sessions of Muay Thai, 2 days of run this week. Accomplished. I’m finally dipping into 53-54kg. Posted on FB and garnered good feedbacks. All time high for Likes - even my Birthday didn’t get this response. Many could resonante with having one apparel that they told themselves they could wear again when they lost weight.

I hadn’t been logging into FB for past 2 weeks because I’m afraid to see his updates. I know I’d still be affected somehow.

*
An email from Grab reminded me that I only took a ride for the entire Feb - during the CNY. It used to be 4-6 rides a month when I was dating. Good thing, I supposed.

**
I’ve yet to plan out my itinerary and its counting down to 10 days to travel. Darn.

《一吻定情》

“你爱他而他又爱你的机率有多少？”

“我的梦想就是可以永远在他身边”

“如果我追不到你，你可不可以答应我，要跟比我还爱你的人结婚”

喜欢那封告白信。原湘琴的坚持是我没有的。

但，还是最爱 《我的少女时代》。

I thought I had move on until I saw his Farewell

追剧中。

啊，我慢慢做回自己了 ：）

*
An email from FB prompted me to go check out the updates for past 2 days. 9 notifications, blah.

Logged in and saw E’s farewell photo with his colleague on his timeline.

My heart dropped for a second, and shivers came down my spine. I was proud to think I’m letting go and anything about him isn’t going to affect me. This was a nasty blow, to remind me that I have not. I’m avoiding using my conscious efforts. It may be time for me to force myself to unfollow him and block him off all channels / platforms.

又被打回原型了 :(