15/9
lASt niGht my bRo n i suddenlY tAlK abt 'js', we sAid he's at 'hOMe' and tRUe enoUGh, toDAy i hEARd that he'S out a feW days baCk!
aftER chECking tru fRiendSter me confiRmed that he's bACk.
in eveRy relAtionshiP i'm in, mY brO will knOW cOZ he nevEr fails tO cheCk my phone (eSp inBOx!) and i cAnt keep mUCh secRets frm him. we'Re kinDA thOSe veRy clOse bRoz and siStAs. oBViously he knOws this aS well.. i think me partly At fault fOr tURning him tO wad he is nOW. in the past he used to be with jay they all, guai guai de.. after that they drift further. if only i persist on, he wont mix ard with the bad company. and.. everything would be different. fRm wad i gOt frm jAy, miAo, jinG, yinG, JS wAs quitE seRious abt the rELAtionship @ that timE- he pASted me name aLl ovEr his cOM ;dRinks 'HL' evERyday (one dAy didnt dRink will have stOmAChache) ; the 1st time he rEAlly fAll fOr sOMEone. bUt i oNly knOw this afteR the reLAtionship was oveR. the pRoblem is tHAt bOth of us weRe veRy sHY at thAt time, dOn dARe to tAlk, juSt walK aRd P.S and Back to s'goOn. me @ thAt time no hANdphonE mahz, so cAnt communiCAte tru sms. onlY can viA my hoUse / hiS hOUse phonE. and as eXpected, we hoG ontO the phOne, w/O talkinG, just somEtimes aSk qUEstions like 'eAten liAO mahz?', 'wAtching tv nOw ah?' replies liKe 'uh.. ya', 'okay lOr..' even gO for datE must miAo, jAy they all help tO set de. wAhz~ shYYyy tO the eXtremE! perHAps me cAnt believE that sUCh a shUAi ge wOuld like me, dunnO hOw to reSpond. cAn only hEAr my hEARtbeAt, and feel me blUshing. he's tOP 3 yandAoz tO me.. (jus like xU shAo yang, hUo jiAn hUA)
yinG knew jAy, js, xuanbin tru iRc in sec.. 1 (ard there) then me liKe js mOst among the 3, similaRly jay like miAoz mOst. they'd been in cOntact but nOt into clOse friends until i need sOmeone to fOrged as my 'bOyfRiend' tO shake andY off, and they cOntActed js. duNno whY 'jiA xi zhen zou' miAo kept aSKing me mY impRession of Js, somehOw i gOtta the 'telepAthy / hint' thAt sth smElls fiShy, but i aCt coOl coz i tOt sUch a yandAo guy wont like me, nevertheleSs tHAt makes my heArtbeat raCe up till 128 bahz! iN the end, thEy wanna gO bugIS after thAt 'shOw' aND all ppl perfOrm *pooF! disappEAring maGic whiCh left me and jS alOne wAlking up dOwn, left rIght, alMOst everywhEre to sEARch for them. *i neArly cAnt bREAthe with him besiDe me. finAlly they'Re baCk tO meet us. and thEy went tO the eXtend of gOing to bRas basAr to perfOrm the 'disAppearing maGic'. undeR pressuRe by jAy, xuAnbin n my sisTAs, they kept bumpinG us together purposely and he held mY hAnd. "^-^" he did aSk 'can u be mY stEAd?' and i spAt 'uh.. see 1st lahz.' OH MY GOD! wad a stupid ans! i simply cant rOtate my bRain and utteR a wOrd out. x_X
hOlding his hand, i had all the seCurity in the univeRse.
but eveRything onCe had a sTARting had to have an end...
even after it'd came to an enD, i still fORged as somEone to cHAt with him in iRC, wAnna see how he's getting oN.. but was chai chuan by him. cAnt figuRe out hOw he did it tOo. (._.?)
he's consideRed to be mY 1st lOVe - the gUY whOm i reAlly like (yi jiAn zhonG Qin eh?), dReamt abt and likewiSe the one whoM i regReted 'fAng shOU' the mOst. it'd been cOuntless timEs i cRied fOr him. eveRytime sAw him at mAc is sUCh a blessing, deSpite of the no. of hOURs simplY spent tO wAit fOr him appeAr. alWAys haftA drAg my sistAs along, feeL so guilty nehz~. this constitutes to the bReakup of my 3rd relAtionship (thAts the neXt one after hiM) though for jS its mOre of an idolisAtion bUt i didnt defenD fOr myself which eventUAlly becOmes the fatAl wOund of the relAtionship.
when i wAs in sec 4 suddenly theRe was a periOd of time he wAlk paSt ouR reguLAr plaCe wheRe me n my sisTAs will be meetinG up b4 gOing tO sch togethER. sOMetimes he'll be oPPosite side of the trAffic light wheRe we cRoss (chA jian eR guO) 98% i'll be stARing haRd onto the flr, oR geh geh talk tO jing, ying. dont dAre to lOok at him. i thinK he alSo alwayS bend down his heAd. (mutuAl natuRal response) at thAt time, the gReAtest motivAtion tO gO sCh was to see him on oUR way tO sch. when i dO, wORld becomes coloURed tv, if nOt it'll be plAin blAck and white with frizzY images. i kEPt getting the neWs that he wAs injuRied in fiGhts and theRe was this timE when i keeP telling my sistAs that i'll gRAb by his aRm when he walk paSt and tell him 'bU yAO zAi zou huAi shi le' but when the oppOrtuny cAme, i bAckout again. then i nevER saw him passinG by us tO his sCh anymOre...
agAin, cAusing a bIG regret in my life.
even till nOw when me gO mac, or aRd that aRea, i'll keep a lOokout fOr him. wishing thAt dURing the tUrn frm centRal bOokstOre rOUte to the bAkery cAn buMp to him. haz, abit dRamatic? but it did happened onCe or twiCe b4 whiCh let me hAve a tiny mini bOom-bi-pi spACe to wish upOn.
nOw, i jus hOpe tO see Or heAr that he's fine even he miGht be with otheR giRl. his happineSs is all i cARe..
-end of paRt I
